i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
