i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
