There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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