Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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