I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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