Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
MIDGETS
????
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
