So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
