found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
