I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
