mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You ever have a fart follow you around?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
