I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
