It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
