I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
