the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
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Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
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I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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