A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
