im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
