Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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