My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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