He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
