i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
