the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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