lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
