He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
