I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
