I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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