Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
