you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
