I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
