I wish I could punch you in the face.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Randomize
