White coat. Heels.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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