D3 body, D1 cock
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
