Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i already hear my dad disowning me
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
