I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
