I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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