Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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