dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
