I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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