I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
