just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
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