Your dad touched me again.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
