I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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