I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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