I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
