my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
