I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize