Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
