It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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