I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
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why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
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I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Two words: nipple clamps
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