I'm jealous of your bromance
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
