I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
