totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
