tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We smell like vodka and hangover
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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