corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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