remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
