Dual....:-)
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
