Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
