can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
