Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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