Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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