ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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