Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
