Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
