we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
