hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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