Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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