I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
