did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
