I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
