in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
