My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
